Things I learned living in Texas.
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps
in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and
4,998 of them live in Texas.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders.
All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it
crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. 'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a
7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did ya'll go to the
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. 'Fixinto' is one word.
10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'.
There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all
meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea
with our sugar.
12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know
everything about you.'
13. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase
meaning 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch,
because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or
it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.
16. 'No. Jew?' is a common response to
the question 'Did you bring any beer?'
17. You measure distance in minutes.
18. You switch from heat to A/C in the
19. All the festivals across the state
are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
20. You know what a 'DAWG' is.
21. You carry jumper cables in your car
--- for your OWN car.
22. You only own five spices: salt,
pepper, Tony's, Tabasco and Ketchup.
23. The local papers cover national and
international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school
sports and motor sports, and gossip.
24. You think that the first day of deer
season is a national holiday.
25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a
26. You know all four seasons: Almost
summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past
time know as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World'.
28. You describe the first cool snap
(below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
29. Fried catfish is the other white
30. We don't need no dang driver's Ed.
If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.
31. You understand these jokes and
forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from